When Severus Snape meets Edmund Blackadder
by Yorokei
Summary: It´s about Edmund Blackadder from the famous Blackadder series when he meets Severus Snape. Also meet Albus Melchett, Percy Darling and Fred and George Flasheart!


Blackadder Sorcerers and Scoldings  
  
STARRING  
  
Rowan Atkinson as Edmund Blackadder Tony Robinson as Sodoff Baldrick Hugh Laurie as Count George Alan Rickman as Severus Snape Robbie Coltrane as Rubeus Hagrid Stephen Fry as Albus Melchett Tim McInnerny as Percy Darling Rik Mayall and his long lost twin as Fred and George Flasheart  
  
Written by Yorokei Tokisado  
  
scene 1:  
  
*We see a carriage riding towards an enormous castle, the castle we know as Hogwarth's school for witchcraft and wizardry. It's raining and storming. We take a look into the carriage as it makes its arrival*  
  
George:'Hop top tiddly down hops woops and bonkers. This is quite exiting youknow, Edmund. I for one didn't know your uncle was a worldfamous wha-whi (stutters).'  
  
Edmund: (sighs)'Whizard, George, whizard! And there is nothing exiting about it. All smoke and mirrors if you ask me. I have never seen any proof of it that uncle Albus -oh look I can stick my magic wand 20 inches into my nose- Melchett was a whizard. There isn't such a thing as a whizard or a witch (looks at Baldrick, picking his nose)..of course the existence of zombies is still dicussionable..and the only reason I am visiting the old lunatick is because he wants to discuss his intheiritance with me. But still, there is no such thing as magic!'  
  
Baldrick:'Exept for the fact that this carriage is riding with no horses or nothing else in front of it.'  
  
Edmund:'Must be a good hidden engine or something.(the carriage stops).ah, we are there!'  
  
*the trio walks towards the castle and halfway, they meet a really large guy.*  
  
Hagrid:'Ah! You must be mister Blackadder! I am Rubeus Hagrid, close friend to your good uncle Albus Melchett (shakes hands with Baldrick, Edmund looks irritated).'  
  
Edmund:'No he isn't. He was in fact the most repulsive human being I had ever seen untill I met you. Have you ever considered a career as a savage man in a circus?'  
  
Hagrid:'Ah! So you must be mister Blackadder!'  
  
Edmund:(Highly irritated by now) 'No, I'm Pierce Brosnan!'  
  
Hagrid:'So we meet again! We have worked together in Goldeneye, remember!'  
  
Edmund:'Whatever. Lets go meet that madman of an uncle of mine before I get attacked by a dwarf or something.'  
  
Hagrid:(infuriated0'What! No one insults Albus Melchett as long as I'm around!'  
  
Edmund:(still relaxed as always)'In that case we won't bother you anymore. We will find our way in ourselves, thank you!'  
  
*the trio makes their way to the door*  
  
George:(looks back at Hagrid, talks with a sense of doubt in his voice)'Are you sure we shouldn't have asked that giant guy to lead us through the castle? It's bound to be filled with dangerous magic traps and stuff!'  
  
Edmund:'As I told you three seconds ago, George, there is no such thing as magic. Even if there was such a thing, what could be dangerous to us while we make our way through the castle? A moving picture? A howling harness?  
  
Baldrick:'If that harness howled in a really high pitch it might kill your ears.'  
  
Edmund:'Not mine. My ears stopped hearing stupid things since you two idiots fought your way into my life. I am immune to stupid sounds. Ah, Baldrick, knock on the door will you?  
  
Baldrick:'I am scared, mr. B!'  
  
Edmund:(grabs Baldrick by the head and slams his head hard against the door)  
  
*the door opens as if by magic, and the trio heads inside*  
  
scene 2  
  
*The camera heads towards what seems to be the highest tower of the castle, In which the room of the schools head master, Albus Melchett resides. Inside the room are two people: Albus Melchett himself and Severus Snape, head master of Slytherin*  
  
Snape:(cool voice)'Your cousin Edmund Blackadder has arrived, professor Melchett.'  
  
Albus:'(shouts)'Baaaah! I told you my little cousin wouldn't let me down, Severus! Finally he can inherit the inmense family fortune that I haved saved for my offspring many years ago. He was the only family member to remain loyal to me ever since I took up magic. All the rest of the family think I am a confounded loon, but not Edmund. Edmund never said a bad thing about me when I came over to visit!'  
  
Snape:'Maybe that was because he was trying to ignore you as good as possible?'  
  
Albus:'Nonsense! Edmund is a good boy! Now all he needs to do is to pass the trials and he will inherit my fortune!'  
  
Snape:'Unless I inherit the fortune.'  
  
Albus:(speaks with doubt in his voice)'You know, I really can't remember that unusual clause in the legacy that the Potions teacher has the right to fight a wizards duel with the heir. How odd.'  
  
Snape:(grins)'You never can remember anything, professor Melchett. You're mad.'  
  
Albus:(shouts)'Baaaaah! That's true!'  
  
Snape:'If you will excuse me, professor, I would like to go and welcome the fool..I mean fair man.'  
  
Albus:'that's alright with me. Just make sure he doesn't get lost inside the castle. There are much loons who have been trapped inside for life in this castle.'  
  
Snape:(whispers while he leaves the room)'Yes and you are one of them.'  
  
*Snape exits the room*  
  
scene 3  
  
*meanwhile, Edmund, Baldrick and George have arrived in a great hall (not THE great hall, but still a reasonably great hall). They see lots of moving staircases and other things like living harness that clearly point that there is magic involved with this castle*  
  
George:(looks at the moving staircases)'Well bake my raisins and call me Suzy! How would you explain that, Edmund? This must be magic!'  
  
Edmund:'Don't be ridiculous George. We have moving staircases around, too and we call them escalators.'  
  
George:'Yes but look! These move left and right and.well, all kind of directions!'  
  
Edmund:'Yes. Must be a malfunction or something. In that case, the stairs resemble your brain, George. Well, lets go. I don't want to die because of you slaiying a stake in my heart because you think I have suddenly become a vampire or something. Come on, lets go.'  
  
*Snape suddenly appears in front of them, seemingly coming from out of nowhere*  
  
Edmund:'Ah! You must be the bellboy! Well, take my luggage and show me the way to my room.'  
  
Snape:(says nothing, but looks with a lot of anger in his eyes towards Edmund)  
  
Edmund:(irritated) Look I am not giving you any tip or something. Now move!'  
  
Snape:'I am not the bellboy, you twit. I am teacher at this school and have been sent to meet you by your uncle Melchett. I will show you the way, but don't mind remembering it. You won't live to take the same route again since I will kill you in a wizards duel soon enough.'  
  
George:(interrupts)'Wow! How did you just appear out of nothing like that!'  
  
Snape:'It's magic. We magicians can do that.'  
  
*a mad person comes walking into the room*  
  
Snape & Edmund:'Ah, hello Darling!'  
  
Snape:(looks at Edmund in disbelief) How could you know our Head Monitor Percy Darling?'  
  
Edmund:'Well those Darling turds are all over Britain and I could recognize one blindfolded, without using my ears or noses. An irritating breed of people!'  
  
Darling:(angry)'Professor Snape! How could you be appearing in front of these Muggles! Apart from it being impossible to appear and disappear on Hogwarths, It's forbidden to show it to muggles! I will go tell professor Melchett right away!'  
  
Edmund:'Look there isn't anything like magic and you (points at Snape) cannot appear like that in front of me just like that because-!'  
  
Darling:(interrupts)'-It's forbidden and irresponsible and I-'  
  
Edmund:(interrupts him again)'It doesn't exist! It's all smoke and mirrors! You are scaring my dogsboy and I appreciate that, but don't pull those tricks on him while I'm around because I don't fancy it. Now, show me to my room!'  
  
Snape:(devilish grin)'As you wish.'  
  
*The trio walks through the hallway behind professor Snape while Darling stays behind*  
  
Baldrick:'How did you know that guy scared me, Mr. B?'  
  
Edmund:'Turn around Baldrick.'  
  
Baldrick:'Yes Mylord.' (turns around)  
  
Edmund:(with a very not-scary-at-all-voice)'Boo.'  
  
Baldrick:'Whaaaa! Who's there?'  
  
Edmund:'The toothfairy.'  
  
Baldrick:'Oh. It's okay then. I don't have any teeth left for you to steal anyway.'  
  
Edmund:(sighs)'How could god have gotten me sinking so deep that I had to deal with the likes of him..  
  
*they turn around a corner and fade out of sight* 


End file.
